I Manifested My Ass Off! Well, I tried anyway.

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When the meditation was over, I still had the ass, didn’t have the cash, and the universe left me hanging with a losing ticket.

They say if you visualize it, believe it, and release it to the universe, good things will come. That’s Manifesting 101.

Buy Glen a Coffee

So, I did just that.

I bought a lottery ticket—carefully allowing the universe to guide the number selection (well… and a couple quick picks).

Then I went home, arranged a quiet space—no interruptions, perfectly comfortable—held the ticket like a relic, and sat—calm and still—breathing deep.

I envisioned a long hallway. A heavy door at the end. I saw the numbers being read aloud. I imagined the moment: the winning ticket, my family’s joy, the weight of worry slipping off of our shoulders.

I felt peace. Clarity. Destiny.

The good we could—no, would—do with the money. How this would be the seed of generational wealth. How we would be smart. Different. Responsible. How the universe would surely be pleased with all the goodness flowing from this one tiny, well-intentioned manifestation.

How could the Universe possibly say no?? (It works for the social media influencers, right?)

If you’ve ever read "The Secret" or watched someone manifest abundance on social media, you might be thinking: “Ah. So that’s how it’s done. It was on a show, and on the internet,,, sooooo...

Abundance, here I come!”

Well… a couple days later, I walked into a gas station to check the ticket.

The universe, in its infinite wisdom, replied:

“Glen… do you know what you’ve done? What you’ve won?”

I held my breath. Slid the barcode under the scanner. Waited for the manifestation verdict.

Then the universe spoke again, loudly, clearly!

“Not one goddamned thing. Now stop daydreaming and get back to work.”

Well, technically, the machine said: “Not a winner. Would you like to replay your ticket?”

But po-tay-to, po-tah-to. At that point, it was just semantics.

Although for a fleeting second, I swear I heard a soft chuckle and a faint whisper from the void: “…loser…”

So, there I stood—just another guy in a random filling station, experiencing the electronic crushing of a dream by a kiosk, while buying a drink and a snack like millions of others at that exact moment.

No confetti. No angels. No majestic voice from the void.

Just the cold "beep" of a losing ticket and the quiet shuffle of reality resuming.

But wait! Maybe… maybe if I had only tried to manifest a Daily Quick Pick—not something big like Powerball—the universe would’ve listened? Maybe greed shot me down?

Maybe I needed more time. A vision board. Some sage burning?

No wait, a drum circle? Maybe I need to google some ancient chants? Maybe???

The thoughts raced through my mind.

Maybe?

Well, maybe all of this was just mental masturbation—and the answer, same as always, was simple:

If you want it, work for it.

Still… on the bright side, I did have a restful meditation.

And well, coffee. From the station. ☕

Beep!!!!

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