The Slow Thinning of Shared Life

We recently had dinner with some friends.

Having dinner with friends is certainly not a new occurrence, but also not what it used to be either.

Although we live fairly close to each other, our schedules rarely seem to align.

The conversation was lively, food was great, the evening was filled with laughter and the usual talk about getting together again soon.

High-level plans of "we should", but nothing concrete.

Later, I found myself reflecting on this all too familiar scene.

I mean we had a great time, who doesn't want to enjoy more times like this?

This was such a common scene earlier in life, what gives now?

Why does it seem so much harder to find time for friends as we grow older?

I mean, at the height of our careers, or deep into parenthood, it makes sense.

But now, we are all at the point where our kids are adults. Some of us are now retired.

Yes, the grandchildren are now around from time to time, but it is not like having the house full of kids like when we were raising our own.

When we were younger, even at the height of parenthood, it felt like there was always room for each other in our lives.

What changes?

An uncomfortable truth

I was sitting and noticing something that almost everyone feels but very few name out loud: the slow thinning of shared life, not from conflict, but from drift.

It is a powerful realization because it’s quiet and uncomfortable, not dramatic.

It is a drift we do not seek out and are usually powerless to stop. Time, change, life, they all relentlessly move on.

As we move through different stages of life, our priorities naturally shift.

In youth, socializing often takes center stage. School, free time, and fewer responsibilities allow for spontaneous hangouts and long conversations.

Friendships grow easily because time feels abundant.

With age, responsibilities multiply.

Careers demand more hours, family obligations increase, and personal goals take focus.

These changes mean that even if friends live nearby, finding overlapping free time becomes a challenge.

The calendar fills with work meetings, family events, and personal errands, leaving little space for casual get-togethers.

We move on, move away, and develop in different directions based on the experiences we are having.

Life happens, and it can be emotionally expensive.

The Illusion of Staying Connected

As a child of the-let's call it-pre digital age. I look at technology as a blessing and a curse. It offers ways to stay connected, but it also changes how we interact.

Texts, social media, and video calls can maintain contact but often lack the depth of face-to-face meetings, in person time together.

That personal connection is something I feel deeply every time I do get the chance to spend time with people; I always walk away feeling a longing for that missed connection.

When I really look at it, today's digital connections create a false sense of closeness, making it easier to postpone or skip in-person time.

We get to see the facade of our friends' lives; we can give a thumb up and leave a comment or two. Heck maybe even a message here and there. But real connection, real understanding, real conversation, real emotion? No, not even close.

It is definitely a blessing and a curse; technology can help coordinate plans and keep information flowing when time and distance are factors.

The Challenge of Maintaining Long-Term Friendships

The truth is friendships like all relationships require effort to maintain, especially over time, and not all of them will survive.

When life pulls people in different directions, staying connected means intentional planning.

There is also the unspoken truth that we often avoid facing, that some friendships naturally fade due to distance or changing interests, we just plain grow apart.

We change as people, sometimes leaving only memories.

Sometimes that is okay, I am still grateful for the time we had, and memories left behind.

Others survive because both parties prioritize making time, or you are in the unique position where your lives have grown side by side and the connection was natural to maintain.

Some of them are just too damned stubborn to die or go away, and time and distance seem to be non-factors. A year can pass and you seem just as close and can pick up from where you left off without missing a beat.

Despite the challenges, it is possible to nurture friendships as we get older.

We need to focus on prioritizing quality over quantity: meaningful is always better than often.

I’ve also come to realize that the friendships that last tend to add something to life, not weigh it down. When that balance shifts, it’s usually telling you something worth paying attention to.

Making time for friends, even when it feels hard, enriches our lives.

Mourning the loss of friendship is also natural, like I said, life happens.

This isn’t just a post about friends.

It’s a post about time, and how it rearranges the people in our lives without asking permission.

With that being said, I’m grateful for the time that was given, for the memories that still show up unannounced, and for whatever the future holds, whether it brings us closer again or not.

I wrote this Knowing how truly blessed I am! Welcome 2026.

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