Operation Maple/Congo: The Family Invasion of 2025

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Operation Maple Congo

Command HQ: Kitchen & Patio Forward Operating Base (FOB)

Supreme Commander: Generalissimo Yvie (Code Name: White Glove)

Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO) making it happen: Command Sergeant Major Glen (Alcohol and Grill Divisions)

Morale & Media Officer: Private Eve (Often Missing, or sleeping in Action)

Pre-Battle Intelligence Briefing

The first encrypted messages arrive via Toronto Satellite Link (also known as the family group text).

Flight numbers, arrival times, and shopping wish lists confirm what we already suspected: the Canadian-Congolese Invasion Force is mobilizing.

Within seconds, Yvie’s internal WHOPER WarGames supercomputer spins up and begins running endless cleaning and preparation simulations.

Lights dim across the house as thousands of “what if” scenarios get processed:

• What if they want to eat outside? → Power-wash patio.

• What if they look under the couch? → Move couch, sweep, mop, vacuum, dust baseboards.

• What if they want to grill? → Source, season, and stage steak reserves three days in advance.

  
  

• Prepare Emergency Salmon supply!

  
  

Operation Readiness Status: DEFCON 2

From the moment intel confirms the incursion, the Maylone household shifts into full staging mode.

No HGTV program where they are up against a deadline can even begin to compare to the pressure "to get things ready" that the Supreme Commander will be imposing!

Known Allied Forces Tactics:

• Shopping Raids – HVTs (High Value Tourists) will demand insertion into Walmart, Burlington Coat Factory, and Ross Dress for Less. Extraction timelines: unknown.

  
  

• Seafood Infiltration – Multiple mandatory missions to Chesapeake Bay seafood strongholds. Expect crab mallet strikes, oyster knife ops, and precision Old Bay deployment.

  
  

• Supply Chain Devastation – Wine reserves neutralized within 48 hours; whiskey stores will follow shortly thereafter.

  
  

• Cultural Culinary Bombardment – Plantains, fufu, and salt fish deployed without warning, forcing integration into existing grill-and-smoker operations.

  
  

  There will be an overabundance of everything cooked, prepare for refrigerator saturation, and maximum leftovers casualties.

  
  

Operational Timeline

Every incursion is different; the 2025 Operation preparation is below:

• Day -3: Strip & re-epoxy patio. Power Wash EVERYTHING!

  Now wash it all again!

  
  

• Day -2: Decorative rock emplacement, weed-whacking, and front-yard beautification maneuvers.

  Be prepared for change orders and delayed final project acceptance.

  
  

• Day -1: Final mop-and-sweep campaign, fridge reorganization, and candle-lighting drills.

  Frantic pacing and white glove inspections, sit down at your own risk!

  
  

• Day 0: Dulles Airport extraction of parental HVTs (shopping escort likely required).

• 
  

  📡 HQ to Ground Team One: Be advised, mother-in-law requesting immediate redeployment to Burlington Coat Factory.

  
  

  Possible Ross Dress for Less diversion en route. Proceed with caution.

  
  

• Day 1: Reagan Airport recovery of three sisters-in-law + one nephew. Immediate redeployment to retail & dining zones.

  
  

  🎙 Grill Control to HQ: Salmon prepped and holding at DEFCON 2. Request clearance to initiate lemon pepper strike package. Parmesan crust variant standing by.

  
  

• Days 2-10: Initiate strategic Wine, Food, and Shopping maneuvers in support of allied family High Value Target (HVT)

  
  

  AKA: Alice my Mother in Law) mission set.

  
  

Operational tempo remains high for 10 days, with 24-hour on-call status and zero margin for verbal missteps.

Any misstep, no matter how slight will be dealt with by harsh "side eye" looks from the Supreme Commander.

Private Eve will make brief, unpredictable appearances, supporting shopping forays, before disappearing again into civilian life, leaving me to redeploy wherever the Supreme Commander sees fit.

Post-Action Report

Casualties: 4 bottles of wine, 2 bottles of whiskey, and 1 grill thermometer lost in the line of duty.

Morale: High.

Exhaustion Index: Extreme.

Happiness: Off the charts.

Final Word

I joke about the D-Day landings, the tactical wine raids, and the Stalin-esque logistics planning by Yvie.

I laugh about the Canadian invasion, the “yes ma’am” marching orders, and the attrition of my alcohol reserves. (I actually pre-position things I know they like).

But the truth is — I love my family. These visits are loud, busy, and sometimes exhausting, but they are also rich, warm, and full of laughter.

I start missing them the day before they leave, and I’m already looking forward to the next visit here or our next trip to the Great White North.

The stories we tell after the dust settles are worth every Walmart trip, every seafood feast, and every square inch of patio I re-epoxied. When it is all said and done, these are the moments, the interactions, the love, laughter, that make us truly rich in life

Heel click, and so it begins. Time for my Dulles Airport run.

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